There's a lot of people moving to the Washington DC metro area right now. Regardless of the hollow threats by our country's left to move to Canada, France, or somewhere else where close to a socialistic paradise, the area keeps growing (and judging by the recent election returns, it's far from all Republicans). This growth means a few things: First, terrible traffic. Second, predatory slumlords. Third, high prices. But, by reading about my five day excursion through the renter's dance, you can avoid all three. And do it without having to spend five days.. I've also created a simple spreadsheet that will allow you to enter your estimated income, some basic monthly expenses, and it'll give you the tax implications (federal, FICA, and state!), and allow you to compare that across the DC, NOVA, and MD area. More info on that toward the bottom.

You'll notice that I don't really talk much about neighborhoods. That's because I don't know you. The areas in and around DC are as diverse as the people that live there, so I'm going to stick to an objective assessment of housing options, regardless of the neighborhood. But, a bad neighborhood is a bad neighborhood - that's universal, and the farther East you go in DC, the worse it gets.

The Mission

A one bedroom apartment, close to a Metro stop, of reasonable price (for DC), in a not-to-bad neighborhood, where I can park my truck and not be embarrassed to bring company around. If you're moving to DC without a family and working in DC, this comes pretty close to your goals. If you've got others, that is, need a two or three bedroom, don't mind an hour-and-a-half commute from BFE, or are extremely wealthy, stop reading. This isn't for you.

The Considerations

I'll be working downtown in DC, but may be assigned all over the area (consulting) throughout the year: Mobility without my vehicle is a must. I'm a young, single guy: entertainment and the L-A-D-I-E-S can't be too far away. I've been living in less-than-palatial conditions for the past few years: I've ditched the air mattress and acquired furniture - I'd like to acquire a place where that won't be stolen or gnawed on by rats. I have some significant student loans: that takes a bit out of the monthly spending cash, so the place can't be too expensive.

Where to Look for Ads?

There's lots of outlets for landlords and companies to post advertisements for buildings, rooms, room-mates, and apartments for rent. Let's examine for a moment the two major outlets - free (or cheap as free) advertising in classifies) and company-sponsored advertising.

Non-Corporate/Private Apartment Listings:

Before I list the places to find non-corporate-owned housing (private landlords), we need to define some terms you'll often run across in their listings. If you take nothing else from this essay, take this - I burnt most of my time being lured and disappointed by these things:

Ok, after all that, you're thinking that I'm just being a hater on all those listings. I'm not, really. Anything in the under $1500/month range that uses those terms are usually stretching the truth. Keep in mind: these ads are placed for free, and like everything else in life, you get what you pay for. But hey, these places are mostly in DC proper, a walk to bars, restaurants, etc.

There are some good points here, though: the people on the message boards at places like Craig's List offer invaluable advice on neighborhoods, commerce in locations, etc. They know places that would fit your lifestyle, and if asked nicely will typically offer as much help as you need. The listings:

• Craig's List: You probably know this place, it's a free digital classifieds section on the internet. Used everything, personals, discussion boards, and yes, apartments for rent.
• Washington City Paper: One of the "alternative" media outlets (ie: free "news" paper) that has advertisements for bars, bands, and 1-900 numbers for meeting HOT LOCAL SEXXXY SINGLES! They've also got classifieds for apartments, similar to Craig's List, but only published weekly.
• Sublet.com: I found this site to be interesting. With people needing to move out or otherwise ditch their current leases, you could get something in the under $1500 range that would typically go in the $1700-$2000 range. Don't forget to understand the cost of the lease if you decide to renew!

Company-Owned Apartments/Complexes:

Ah, yes, the yuppie storage. After living a year in a "gated community" down in Austin, I vowed to never repeat the process. Will I? Read on, and find out. Just like the privately owned apartments, their ads have some terminology that also begs for clarification:

Ok, Greg is hating again on the housing. Here's some of the good stuff, though: with the exception of DC proper, if parking isn't an option on the street, most places will offer it free or really cheap. That's important if you've got a car you don't want to part with, and could save you on insurance if they have a garage.

These places also offer lots of "amenities". Yes, that's one thing that drives these places a little higher in price (on average, I'd say a typical 700 sq. ft. one bedroom goes for about 15% more than a simple privately leased apartment). But, it depends on what you want. Do you work nights and stay home during the day? Do you not have a car? Are you a college student? You may do better with a privately-owned apartment. These corporate places have front desks to receive packages, business centers, and dry-cleaning drop-off. They are definitely geared toward the stuffed-shirt office workers that spend 60 hours per week away from the place.

The vast majority of these places throughout DC and Virginia are owned by a single company: Charles E. Smith. You pay that move in fee once, then never again. You move to a different place owned by them? No move in fee. You can even transfer your current lease to another one of their places with no issues. Some places I visited required the "amenities" fee to be paid once yearly. Sheesh.

Here's the usual suspects:

Taxes, Spreadsheets, and Social Security You'll Never See

Ok, here's the deal. It comes down to "what can I afford?" for most people, myself included. After you figure what you need (as opposed to what you'd want) get all the numbers together and check into this spreadsheet I've put together. It's more than a ballpark estimate calculator, but it's by no means going to do all your monthly budgeting for you. It's in Excel, so if you don't have Microsoft Office, try OpenOffice.org.

The most complicated part of this workbook, which I hope you can appreciate, is the federal and state taxes. Taxes in DC, NOVA, and MD are all different, of course, and scaled at different levels of income. Annoying. Federal needs to take into account a standard deduction or a mass of other deductions you can take, not to mention the tax bracket you fall into there.

Click the above graphic for the Workbook...

Check it out. And don't, whatever you do, change any of the cells except for those highlighted in YELLOW. Hell, I've locked the rest of the cells so you don't make a mistake. If you'd like to go ahead and add or change things, just unprotect the cells. No passwords required.

Where'd I get all the info from? The federal tax schedule is for 2005 and taken directly from the IRS. The state income taxes are from the Tax Foundation. Keep in mind, this sheet doesn't take into account any local municipal taxes, vehicle taxes, or any other small details. Yes, they'll make a difference, but it's small compared to what the state and federal government shave off your paycheck. People, vote for tax cuts. Please.

The Decision

What'd I do? After five days of riding the Metro, pounding pavement, and calling both classified ads and company-owned apartments, I caved and went for corporate whore housing (CWH, for short). Yep, paying a bit more, but I seem to fit the category well. It ain't huge, but it's next to the Metro, clean, quiet, and a quick shot into downtown DC. It's called Arlington, VA. Crystal City, actually, but whatever, I suck.

Now, take my decision with a grain of salt: like I said, the privately owned apartments were a grab-bag of uncertainty, but closer to downtown and a bit cheaper. The deal breaker: I didn't want to pay outrageous amounts to park my truck, or simply leave it parked on the street for (potentially) weeks at a time. Crime control in DC has got a bit better, but it's far from an Austin or Pittsburgh. The free parking, Metro access, and clean-cut living conditions put it over the top, but those were my choices. Examine what you really need/want, find it, rent it, move in, and hope you've made the right decision.